Hide Away

Seen a disfigured face?
A deformed look?
Flawed to the point of unbearable sight?

If this is the reason to being hideous, it's well understood.
But what if it's pretty normal looking or even looking presentable
and yet the feeling of hiding away is so... strong?

What's the hiding?

Hideous...hiding...hide way.
Let no one find me
Let me be away from all that sees
Where no eyes can hold me
In a place of no-seeing
No eyes looking,
non-perceiving
here, there
Safe, safe everywhere...

Was that it? Fears? I heard you say.
Oh No! Not only fears...

It's deception, it's self-dishonesty,
self-betrayal and hiding from self what is to be seen.

Buried the truth within,
wrap it up like a gift with pretty ribbons over it
and color papers of yours and my liking.

but what's inside it is,
a chunk of surprises that before opening up
it's not all sweet already.

Something that I'm not willing "TO SEE"
"TO FEEL" "TO KNOW" and what could that be?

It's just too uneasy and mysteriously dark, for me...

Is this a game of hide and seek?
Ah...like God always hiding.
Even we were told that the Divine is in everything,
animate and inanimate, but do we see?
Of cos' God's hiding from me.
And I...
I'm hiding from me...

How long shall this be?
A game of hiding in the seeking
And who's in the hiding and the seeker seeking?

I don't know how to find, with a map or
a compass or A heart of TLC?
What kind of operation is this, can anyone tell me?

So, all that is hidden becomes known,
as my intuition abounds through clarity of vision.

So soon enough. I'll expose Me, Myself and I.

What a wait!
What an awful confusing and mysterious game...
The hideous and the seeker is the one same being...Gosh!

God and I are also one....real confusing!

What a path!
What a game!
Of Hiding Away.

Utter Nonsence

Have you ever felt in your life that everything
just seems like it doesn't make sense anymore?

Everything 'out there' seems so meaningless...pale

I begin not able to understand why this is so as I
understand more about life.

It's ironical.

I wake up one morning and realize that all that I learn, 
all these ideas I heard, that I felt resonance, 
starts to drop away. All the seminars, workshops,
books that gave precious knowledge, 
that stirs wonderful musings and
pondering in me, all seemed colorless.

Looking into the mirror, 
it's but my reflection, years of age,
plain and colorless, 
simply human, flesh and blood.

Looking at the blank wall, 
it's another depth of reflection,
the pounding of my heart, 
the breath I take, the warmth inside of me,
the life-force that runs through my body and beyond,
and the feeling of something much more is opening up.

Something within is trying to get 
my conscious mind out of these ideas,
thoughts and all that sounds sane and clear.
All that I see around me it's the same, nothing changed.
Yet a sense of the moment, of how simple this moment is,
felt so plain yet unusual.

Maybe my eyes have changed, or my inner eye changed.
My sight, it's fading, like the fading of a bloomed flower.

Things seemed to peel off and dropped away.
It's another kind of death I suppose,
but this time nothing grey or depressing. 
Surprised!

It's just spells loud in me that all that is out there, 
is utter nonsense.
It's strange.....

...because it's not a rebellious feeling,
it's a gentle moment of sensing.

The inner feeling of what I feel through 
my five senses is trying to communicate this.

I'm not sure this time it's an entry to my belief 
system or a delete of it.
It's another feeling of being shaken,
of feeling unsure of the sure knowing.

No, I'm not sure.

I've seen people with so much conviction 
towards something, myself included, 
just to find the next moment they do not
have that same level of believe anymore.

Well, it doesn't make sense anymore to me to take
whatever the world gives from out there, 
so it's time to seewhat kind of 'inside' world 
can I reach within to take.

As before that happens, 
everything operates in Utter Nonsense.