Oh My Goddess

In my most silent abode,

where music is heard with the inner ears

and light is seen through the inner eyes

The inner dance begins in spirals

Dancing to the rhythm of the Goddess' heartbeat

The Goddess begins her dance

To flow, to swirl, to vibrate, to electrify

The way the Goddess gently nudges to wake 

to give form, to exalt, to rise 

From our consciousness of darkness 

To her voice

To her heart, her mind

To our consciousness of Her light

At the Goddess' throne of poise,

Hushing me with her soothing sweet voice,

In Her warm loving embrace, 

Her bosom soft, Her touch tender with Her loving grace

rocking me gently, and I in awe-wonder

Her richness is filled to every corner of arena 

Abundance over-flowing with her Love to the very brim

All swell with Her fragrance of Her immortal beauty

Her immortal beauty, not of this world, 

unknown to our minds, to our visual eyes

Beaming with the radiance and the Grace of The Goddess

Her blessings filled my heart, my being

that led me to the core of Her heart, 

Her joy, Her bliss, Her ecstasy, 

Her Song of Esctasis

Magnificent is the blessings of the Goddess, just as she is. 

In her Magnificence of piercing brilliance, she shook me asunder, 

yet she wrapped me in her most humbled motherliness

Simple, Pure and Unrestrained 

So much Love,

Oh so much Love is pouring through 

How can I forsake Her?

My heart will break if she leaves and she's gone again

A goner, I will be again 

Oh Mother Goddess

I shall not take my eyes off you

My inner eyes sees only You, in your love

I revel in You Oh Goddess

I will fall and I will cry 

without your Love I will die

Oh Mother Goddess, I am your helpless child

Crying, wailing and screaming when I lose You
Without you, a minute seems forever 

I cannot wait any longer as Death seems much nearer then ever.

Without You, your love

Then death is sure to take over

So Goddess, Oh loving compassionate Mother

leave me not and awaken you in me

Let you unlock me and tie me to you

Show me your way, your dance steps, your music and song,

Let me live the way You Live and be yours, held in your arms forever!

-Oh Mother!

-Oh Goddess!

I'm your very own

I'm yours 

In this temporal memory,

Only You I find to live in Eternity

- From Your Longing Child

Seek and hide. Hide and in hiding you shall find

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God

And all shall be added unto you"

How do we survive in this fast-paced world 
while placing our priorities,in seeking the 
unknown kingdom first  while filling our hungry stomachs,  

fulfilling our hearts and minds endless of desires ?

In all that seeking, searching to see,  

and trying to find...

this essence we call Divine.
Some name it the Philosopher's stone,
others say it's the awakening from 
our deep illusion-ed sleep.

Yet the more we seek, the more things 
seemed to hide, the more seeming darkness
than light !


When we don't seek, we don't even know

there's existing darkness that hides.
We don't realize darkness is always there
existing in our minds.
How strange it is, 
that only when our seeking begins,
only to realize total darkness we are in!


Like the process of acquiring knowledge, 
gaining wisdom in life.
We thought we knew it all.
Yet the more we learn, the more
we realize we knew so little, 
for there's infinite things to learn,
to know, to realize.  


We yearn for the light, 
for it's our natural soulful yearning
And like attracts like.  
We are made up of Light 
Science has now proved it. 
We are energy, light vibrating 
at different speed


Like a moth that flies into the fire
to be burnt by the light, 
transmuting to another dimension of life.
We yearn for the flight, 
that enjoin and transmute us 
as we merge as one with the Light.


The feeling of darkness creates illusion, 
And vice-versa, illusion creates feelings of darkness.
Of unknown and imagined fears,
Of loneliness and separation ,
Of losing, getting lost in this game we call Life.


Where is this Kingdom of God? 

Where we are told that all we ever need and want is all there... 

God's lila, God's play, 
The nature; ebb and flow of life,
where growth is constant change
And constant change means stability
Where in this changes of life 
is God's Kingdom laid ?


The Kingdom of God that we all can seek to find.
And through what means can we find?
Because the more we seek, 
the more it seems to hide!


The Kingdom is veiled from our sight, our very eyes.
By closing our eyes, do we perceive light?
By seeking in the dark, will we find?
In hiding shall we find what we are seeking?
Seek and hide.


Like a lost soul in my life for the past years, 
I seek many a psychics' advice, 
maybe to find some light.
Told to me, that I will know what I want, 
that my answer will be clearer
than the the clear blue sky, 
as time draws near.


Now the time is here, but is the answer clear?
I do not know what I want, 
but I do know what I do not want
and I de-cluttered  many things in my life 


Which is the path that brings me to 
the Kingdom of God that I seek to find?
Only have I found which path not to tread, 
through going repeatedly into the seeming darkness again.


I'm still searching that which I do not know, 
and can I truly find?


Hide in the dark to search for the light.
In hiding shall I find?


The Kingdom of God
The Light
I shall find, shall I...?

Finally intolerable

Accepting or Tolerating the intolerable?

Everyone has different levels of tolerance. No one is exactly the same, yet we are so similar as a human family. Tolerance level depends on one's perception, brought-up and habits as an individual, and also one's character.

The character of stretchable elastic Lycra fabric is expandable and flexible to a huge degree depending on the presence on the percentage of elastane. Even the most elastic fabric when stretched, expanded, and spread too thinly, snaps and tears.

In life, when we stretched beyond our limits of elastic fabric of tolerance. When the tear and breaking down in our life happens, does it spells a disaster or a blessing?

A disaster to put up to the worst of life, to be worsted again and again, or is it a blessing of cleansing through suffering, bearing in silence or complains, putting up with what life has to offer in an undesirable way?

We can either come out of that situation looking like a fool, losing all the games, energy and time, or like a tired, battled-out, weary yet brave warrior. How we perceive is really up to us because we choose what we want to see.

Where is this line of what we can or cannot allow, the things in our life to be?

To accept the unacceptable, to be honorable even when dishonored,

to respect even when humiliated?

Do we have all the strength to take upon everything

and be loving all the time despite things falter and fail us?

In the Serenity Prayer, it reads that...the wisdom to know the difference, to change what can be changed, and accept the things that cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This wisdom to know, is like a good sensor. Sensing what is 'right'. Its common sense as we call it. Yet, it's not so common... For if it is, then, the 'commoners' would not appear on the news headline as doing and allowing uncommon deeds in their life all the time...Arrgg...

I feel this sensor is our basic instinct in the world of survivor, and it's our intuition in a hunch of knowing truth out of reality.

Having put up with mostly unbearable things in general for most people, for people around me feedback to me, I came to a point that I was extremely sensitive and extremely numb too. I realized that certain ways of living is unhealthy and is causing me pain and had accumulated fears. But by nature, I just jolly well put up with all the not-nice, until I became overly sensitive to the very last bit, breaking down unhealthily.

Breaking down is so natural for me, so I could not understand people who hold back their feelings or their words, in fear of showing themselves, so they wrap themselves up, falsify their own image as a protective barrier. I understand the part of me that tolerate and bear all kinds of nonsense is also not being authentic.

i became sensitive to people who influence me in reproducing that feeling of suffering. I'm not sure how would it be like for me if I happened to be with people who really really do honor, respect, genuinely care for me not out of their ego or out of getting something in return or out of their responsibility.

Until I decide, no more tolerating the intolerable, I begin to accept the limits of my own sphere in all dimensions, where I can resume to my inner-child unafraid.

So the wisdom to know the difference...sometimes it's so... so vague.

Between the tolerable and the intolerable ones...finally !