Thursday, October 29, 2009

Choosing Joy


Joy and happiness is a choice


Everyday we are faced with many choices. 

We are spoilt for choice.
Choices allows freedom that confuses us further, 

or offers us clarity focusing toward a single goal.

We can squander our time and money in idle 

and trivials or place it where it brings us Joy 
that touches the core of our hearts. 
Where we place our energies, 
become our experiences and who we are.

We can choose to place them where 

our hearts sing joyously to the rhythm of the universe.
Or where we find simple and meaningful existence
Or towards a Vision that leaves a legacy
Or nurturing our body, mind and spirit 

as an individual or a whole community

Would that bring Joy in our lives?

So have you chosen Joy?
Or are you that Joy?
Or are you finding Joy?
Or are you channeling joy? Expressing Joy?

When did you last laugh until your sides ached?
Do you dare to lose control and let the joy carry you?

"Can you be with joy, mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us
to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of human being?"


Have I chosen Joy?

Joy can be as simple as

The breath of fresh air
Cool water on a hot day
Warmth of fire on a cold night
The sweat after a workout

Sweet taste of mango
The smell of crisp morning air, 
and dew under the feet in a garden
The color of sunset

The touch of a lover
The warmth of two mouths hungrily 

reaching for each other,
merging together as one

Joy can be as deep as
The mystical and ecstatic experience of the Divine, 

that swirls, vibrates, pulses from within
The consciousness of belonging to something larger than life
The feeling of inter-connectedness with the Whole, 

nature and spirit Of Oneness

"Why is it often hard for us to choose joy, 

even in moments when there are no painful 
circumstances in our lives?"

Maybe, we simply do not know how.
We may think that things are "not good enough"

Joy can be a hopeful feeling, of what is in the future.
But what if it's not what it seemed to be?

Being jaded in the past, disappointment is set 
in an effort to guard and prevent the rude awakening 
of unanticipated letdown, of letting loosely to Joy. 
In a way, to feel in control.

So the door for Joy chooses to close.
And so is the door of Life.

Can Joy be experienced without going through Pain?
Can Joy be centered and  not polarized with the duality of Pain?

"Will there comes a time that the bud of 

a flower by remaining close
is more painful than opening it's petals?" 

Can the process of flowering be forced upon?
Flower comes from the word 'flow' and 'er'.
It's a process that is flowing, or flowering.

I wonder if the plant ever feels pain 

in the flowering process?
It's just like giving birth. The process of delivery.
Going through the labor pain, 

then comes the Joy of new life.

And here, we've devise methods 

not to feel the pain.
Anesthetize and numbing our senses 

so we can go on creating life.

And have we also devise not to feel 

directly by intellectual reasoning
and logical denial so we can be lighter 

and therefore up-lifted?

"Aren't feelings buried alive never dies? "
Or carry on to the next cycle of 're-birth' ?

I was grieving over something that 
happened in my life.
People around encourage me to come out 
of it and enJoy life.
A
nd discourage the process of grieving.

The process of grieving, I realized, 
went through few different stages
from denial, guilt to anger.

I was influenced by people around, 
being open and vulnerable,
I loses my center and stance on my feet.
Where is my boundary? Where's my back-bone?



"Can you sit with Pain, mine or your own, 
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it?"

Many people felt uneasy and unbearable to 
witness and sit with someone in Pain,
because they cannot not be touched by their own Pain,
and feeling responsible for alleviating the pain

.

My still small weak voice within calling out to nurture,
healing all past wound and injury that gathered suddenly,
like a rushing force surfacing, 

where there can be no holding back, only surrendering.



It was pre-mature opening up to enJoy, 
and the re-bound was a hard one for me to take.
There was no running away. 

I've to face each emotion squarely as it comes up.

Each part of me takes its turn to come to terms,
retrieving parts of myself that I leave behind,
so there can be a harmonious symphony.

"A wound not fully felt consumes from the inside.
There was no way out but through."


It wasn't easy for me, for I do not know what to expect next.
Although many people around went through different 

yet similar experiences.

I realized that whether grieving or going through a failure,
it's a very individual experience,
that people do not react or feel the same way,
even though the processes are similar.

We are not so different after all.
Yet, we cannot judge the experience.

When the wimpy me whine 

like a child's throwing tantrum,
I think I was on cosmic playground, on the see-saw.
(like what I was told! Yet, it's my way of

 pressing for more solid Love)

I've to apologize to my dear loved one
for putting up with this Mad Clown of age 3; 

less the other numeric behind it.

For me, this whole process is like a 

birthing experience of another kind.
Going through my labor pain of drastic waves 

of emotions of that realization
Of self-denial, self-sabotage, non-acceptance, self-betrayal
Of self-blame and curse

The pain of feeling my own lack of faith and trust,
lack of stability and commitment

In this pain, something inside me is born,

and there is no turning back.

"If we are strong enough to be weak enough,
we are given a wound that never heals.

It is the gift that keeps the heart Open."
Something within me
Never have been known to me,
waiting to flower, waiting to fragrant the soul,
and color it's Light

The gift and birth of a new Joy