Present Life Regression

When I started crying in the inner dance experiential workshop, the 1st image came to me was during my childhood- about 2 or 3 years old. I saw I was reaching my hands out crying for mommy, but was ignored. My mom was there, however, she literally walked away after a while.

My nose was so jammed up with all the phlegm from the crying as the inner dance session started in lying down position, I could hardly breathe through my nostrils. So I sat up, clear my nose with some tissue paper and the healers continue to work on me.

While the facilitators / healers, Pi and Daniw touched certain points in my body, it triggered something unexplainable. Like pushing a button, unlocking what was beneath me. I felt waves of Pure unconditional Love gushing and flooding me, I broke down crying again. My logical mind was watching the whole process, taken aback and it heard the crying. 


It sounds so... so sad! The logic mind even wonder whether am I disturbing other participants, and tries to lower the volume of my cries. Then scenes of the past- this present life time, came to me. From faces of people and sometimes just the emotions associated with the event or person came up and I was releasing all these stored emotions.

In fact, I was not moving much. The energy was running through me and I was jerking and vibrating. When Daniw worked on my hips, the intensity increases. It came a point that I was wailing real loudly, and that was when Daniw held me in her arms from behind. 


She gently pushed me forward and... Wow! I forgot everything! I just had to let go and wail like nobody's business. My logic mind watched, and for a minute the mind was concern with the yucky mucous falling onto the mat, but then it has no time to think further for I was at the peak of my release.

These peak emotions was associated with my relationship with God. The yearning, the pain, the sweetness and all the miseries. Now as I looked back, I remembered what happened about one month ago before this inner dance comes into my life, I was crying and wailing for God in my room. I asked :'Where are U, God?' 'Are U really there?' 'U promise that with one-pointed devotion u will come, and when will that be? 


Are U really in me, in this room, in animate and inanimate objects? Can U show me a sigh? i don't want to know U- God from another person or another book, I want direct experience with U. Or was I not worthy of U? Or I've not done enough? I guess I wasn't good enough, I must have done something bad, I'm sorry....blah blah.... The cries sounds very close to this catharsis in the inner dance.

Something had triggered it that day but I couldn't remember what. I guess that tension was build up for a period of time already while I was asking from time to time: God, where are you? It was to the point of madness that I broke down.

At the end of my inner dance experiential session, I burst into laughter when I was made to lie down. My crying switched to laughter. I can literally feel the energy coming out from my core, at the abdominal diaphragm area. It was so intense that I couldn't stop at all. I felt like it's going to go on, and that my esophagus and throat seems too narrow for it to let out.

As Daniw was coaxing my senses, calming me down at towards the end, she caressed me, humming to the light-hearted tune of :'Somewhere over the rainbows' - one of my favourite song. I felt so good and that she gave me something that I longed for sub-consciously. For in my memory, I couldn't remember if my mom ever did this to me. Slowly, I began to weep and cry again.

I felt so overwhelmed, my senses heightened and I was so taken aback by everything that had happened. It happened too fast. I very much needed space and time to process it slowly, like chewing my food so that I can receive its full nutrients. 


I felt I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to go back to the Inner dance advance workshop either but I was so blank. I express it softly to my partner, and I thought that I didn't want to sound like I'm so troublesome so I just went ahead with him anyway.

Well, after the catharsis, there was so much challenges. This time the challenge is on all levels; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Feeling real awful now, but I know its happening here for my highest good. I'll definitely have a good laugh after I past through all this...

...mmm... when will that be?

Ha ha! Ha ha ha!